Optical Media: Past & Present

The Past: LaserDiscs
I was reading about LaserDiscs for no reason today. I've seen a LaserDisc once ever. They're pretty interesting. It actually predates and paved the way for the CD. In fact, the technology was invented in 1958. LaserDiscs, called Discovision at the time, originally came out in 1978. The last movie to be put onto LaserDisc was Tokyo Raiders, which came in in 2000. That's right. LaserDiscs were around for 22 years, mostly thanks to Hong Kong and Japan. The last LaserDisc player was made on January 14, 2009. 2009!

Each side of the LaserDisc holds up to 60 minutes of video. So, pretty much every movie ever on LaserDisc was interrupted halfway through so you can flip the disc over. Of course, when they came out, everyone used LPs and were used to flipping halfway through enjoying something.



If the disc only had one side worth of programming, this LaserDisc Turtle image would show up if you played the wrong side.

One major disadvantage to the LaserDisc versus the VHS was that you couldn't really record or store data to LaserDisc. Oh wait, yes you could, but it looked like this:



BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!


The Future: HVDs and 5D DVDs
HVD = Holographic Versatile Disc. Ah, the future of the 1950s is here! It's the size of a DVD. Each disc can hold 1 to 6 Terabytes! Holy balls! The disc is read with a blue laser and a green laser simultaneously. Oh, yeah, that green laser is a 1 Watt laser, which is amazingly high for a consumer product. (3 Watt lasers can burn through walls!) Start saving now, though, because the players will cost $15,000 and the discs about $150.

5D DVD = 5-Dimensional DVD. Basically, the data is written on tiny particles which are placed on the disc in layers, which are then read by 3 different lasers. Oh yeah and the discs will hold just 10 Terabytes. Yes!

Why does Fox hate Futurama so much?

Article: Is FOX Planning to Recast FUTURAMA?

Futurama was originally canceled because no one watched it. No one watched it because Fox treated it like a red headed step child. It was on Sundays at 7pm, which was perfect for it to be constantly preempted by sports. Some weeks it was a baseball game no one cared about. Other weeks it was a race no one cared about. When Futurama did manage to air, you were never sure if it was going to be a new episode or a random rerun in the middle of the season. But that really didn't matter because there were never any commercials for Futurama anyway. So lo and behold, it got raped in the ratings.

I suppose they realized how great the show was because they released 4 straight-to-DVD movies. With all the success of the DVD sales and the ratings on Adult Swim and Comedy Central, they decided to make two new seasons! Awesome!

But now it appears they want to find cheap "sound-alikes" instead of using the original voices. My prediction is that they're just setting up Futurama to be an utter disaster once again.

Stop fucking with the things I like goddamnit!

Another Stupid Non Sequitur

Non Sequitur did it again. ...So in previous strips this week, for whatever reason they decided to go to "Mars 3.5" which is "the twin planet to Earth." So the premise is stupid enough.

So anyway, my problem is that he activates the homing signal on his GPS.

What?

GPSs don't have "homing signals." I wouldn't have a problem with this one if he just said "I'm activating the homing signal," and was done with it. Why did he have to mention the GPS? This comic fails.

Yes, I realize that he's in a spaceship and there are dinosaurs/giant birds and the whole premise of this series of strip gives me a headache, but come on.

So I think I figured out why Non Sequitur tries to sound smart. Wiley Miller, the cartoonist, studied art, then worked for several educational film studios prior to becoming a cartoonist. He just thinks he's smart because he worked on educational films. It seems to me he just tries to throw in smart-sounding words every so often and it just doesn't work.

Related: What I Learned Today: Gravity Freezes Things?

France Wikipedia Page Vandal

This morning, I hopped on the Wikipedia page for France to grab the French motto and the anthem and such for a quick prank (after all, I have work to do today). I left the page briefly and reloaded it to discover that some moron had changed the French motto, "Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité" to say "eat frogs legs and chill with there hairy armpits init lol."

As a service to you, the reader, and you, the half-brained shitlin who changed the motto, I will now correct and grade your edit:

eat frogs legs
- This person must mean "frog legs" as in the food. The phrasing implies that when one sees a frog, one must eat its legs. Eating frog legs isn't exclusively French and shouldn't really be a goal of a nation, so it has no real business in the national motto.

and chill
- I'm not sure what chilling has to do with being French or eating frog legs. Tell me, when you edited this at 6am, are you up late or up early?

with there hairy armpits
- YOU FUCKING FAILURE! IT'S "THEIR!" Elementary school students can do this correctly! Why can't you?
- Why would a national motto refer to its people's armpits as "there [sic] armpits"? Shouldn't it be "our armpits"?

init lol
- I assume "init" to mean "in it." I guess they're referring to the frog legs? Because if they are eating frog legs with their hairy armpits in it, that comes close to being a complete thought. If they're chilling with their armpits in it, we're falling farther from the tree of coherent thoughts.
- "lol" is not a word.

This wiki vandal gets an:
F

While I was digging through the history of the edits of the France page to find the real French motto, I found another vandal. The italicized portions were added, then subsequently edited out or corrected by someone who hates idiots as much as I do.

The name "France" comes from Latin Francia, which literally means "land of the Gays" or "Frankland".
- Could this be more lowbrow? This person obviously thought changing "Land of the Franks" to "Land of the Gays" was pure comic gold because he called the French gay. What this person no doubt failed to recognize is that his vandalism actually is funny: "land of the Gays" or "Frankland." He is thus calling all people named Frank gay. Now that's funny.
- Grade:
C-

In recent decades, France's reconciliation and (gay people came from here) cooperation with Germany have proved central to the...
- Way to fail completely. You couldn't find a sentence where "gay people come from here" would have made sense? You couldn't even stick it right next to "France"?? You put it in the middle of a clause?! Ack!
- Grade:
F

The Music Industry Strikes Again!

I FUCKING HATE THE MUSIC INDUSTRY!

Article 1: Pandora Caps Free Streaming at 40 Per Month (link)
I am by no means mad at Pandora. Pandora is fantastic! You type in a band or song you like, you listen to it, then it plays other songs you might like. You then tell Pandora whether you like the song or not. Pandora then selects other songs based on which songs you like or dislike. It's a great way to find new music, then go out and buy CDs, thus generating money for the music industry. But since so much music is crap these days, the industry can't be giving away anything free! No! You have to buy CDs based on the amount of money they spend on marketing, not whether or not you like it! Stiff Internet radio royalties were imposed on Pandora (since they're an Internet radio station and all) because the industry doesn't like creating loyal fans I guess. So instead of shutting its doors, Pandora is instead capping its usage so they can actually afford the fees.

Article 2: ASCAP Wants Royalties On Ringtones (link)
I thought this was an Onion article, but unfortunately it's not. ASCAP is the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers. They basically make sure artists get paid royalties if their songs are played anywhere. Makes sense right? Only now all of a sudden, their definition of a public performance has become "3 seconds out of a shitty speaker" and my guess is that it's a song you fucking hate since that's pretty much all musical ringtones. Ugh. AT&T would be paying the royalties, not us. But still. It's fucking retarded.

Dear music industry,

Make some good music for once and maybe people will pay for it.

Signed,
Everyone.

The Most Awesome Thing Ever

FIRE TORNADOES!

FIRE TORNADOES!

The Best Hockey Teams in Town, Hon!

We all know that Baltimore is the best city in town. But did you know that the best city in town also had the best hockey teams in town? Most of them played for the American Hockey League (AHL), which is the league below the National Hockey League (NHL). What were the best teams in town? Here we go:

Baltimore Clippers (1962-1976 AHL; 1976-1977 SHL) Home Arena: Baltimore Civic Center

The Clippers were actually a competent team. They won their division 3 times. Which division were they in? The East, West, and South Divisions! (Not all at the same time.) Yes, a team from Baltimore was in the West Division. They made it to the Calder Cup finals in the 1971-1972 season, but lost to the Nova Scotia Voyaguers, who eventually became the Hamilton Bulldogs (an affiliate of the Montréal Canadiens). In 1976, the Clippers left the AHL to join the Southern Hockey League, which promptly folded at the end of the season. The Clippers withdrew from the AHL halfway through the 1974-1975 season (one in which they weren't doing to well anyway), only to reform and come back for the 1975-1976 season. Why? Because...

Baltimore Blades (1974-1975 AHL) Home Arena: Baltimore Civic Center

...the Baltimore Blades came to town! Formerly the Michigan Stags of the World Hockey Association (WHA -- who gave the NHL the Hartford Whalers, Edmonton Oilers, Winnipeg Jets, and Québec Nordiques when it folded), the team moved to Baltimore in the 1974-1975 season when troubles on (terrible players) and off (terrible attendance) the ice cause the Stags to fold. By "the team" moved, I mean all the players on the WHA Stags just played on the AHL Blades. Since the Clippers had withdrawn and didn't need their jerseys, the Blades simply sewed their logos on top of the Clippers logos. Sadly, the Blades/Stags sucked no matter where they played. They ended the season with a 3-13-1 record. (That's wins-losses-ties, for you non-hockey people.) The team promptly folded (and the Clippers returned the next season).

Baltimore was without professional hockey for a handful of years until...

Baltimore Skipjacks (1981-1982 ACHL; 1982-1993 AHL) Home Arena: Baltimore Arena

...the Skipjacks! The Baltimore Skipjacks were in the Atlantic Coast Hockey League (ACHL) for one season before being taken over by the AHL's Erie Blades (no relation to the Baltimore Blades). A slew of Blades players and their coach moved to Baltimore and the Skipjacks entered the AHL in 1982. The Skipjacks lost in the Calder Cup finals of the 1984-1985 season to the Sherbrooke Canadiens (formerly the Nova Scotia Voyageurs)! Bastards! During their 10 years, they made (and lost in the) the playoffs 5 times and won the Southern division only once. They were the AHL affiliate for the Boston Bruins, the Pittsburgh Penguins, and the Washington Capitals. (Not all at the same time, I'm sure.) The team relocated in 1993 to Portland, ME to become the Portland Pirates (who, while the Capitals affiliate, gave us Alexander Semin).

Two more years of nothing until:

Baltimore Bandits (1995-1997 AHL) Home Arena: Baltimore Arena

The Baltimore Bandits were an affiliate of (sigh) the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim. The Bandits made it to the playoffs in both seasons they played, beating the Hershey Bears in the first round of the first season. The team was minimally successful financially, so they moved in 1997 to Cincinatti, becoming the Cincinatti Mighty Ducks. In 2005, Disney, who had owned the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim since their beginning in 1993, sold the franchise. The new owners promptly changed the name to the less gay Anaheim Ducks. The Cincinatti Mighty Ducks became the Rockford IceHogs, whose logo looks awfully familiar....

DC Traffic Sucks

Previously: Smog v. Haze

Article: You Spend 62 Hours a Year in Traffic

LA once again has the most traffic in the country. Just another reason to hate it. DC has the second most traffic in the country, so that makes it almost as bad as LA. Sigh.

Best Billy Mays Informercial EVER.

Happy Canada Day

Usually on Canada Day, I extol the virtues of Canada.

This time, I will just provide you a link to Recently Vacated Graves: True Zombie Metal's newest release, the Hail to Canada EP!

It will only be available for download on Canada Day so get it quick!

HAIL TO CANADA