Day 1 - DrivingI originally was going to Hamburg, Germany, then Boston, MA. New York proposed a solution:
I missed the exit, so instead I went to Toronto.
The first order of business was to get myself a new camera, since my old one decided it didn't like to focus. So, once in Canada, I went to FutureShop. FutureShop is Canada's version of Best Buy (in fact, it's owned by Best Buy). They sell the same type of stuff, only the staff is friendly and knowledgeable and when you leave you're not angry.
I got to my hotel and discovered there's a bottle opener in the bathroom!
And a Fuck Safe.
Since strikes seem to follow me everywhere I go, Toronto's city workers were on strike, especially the garbagemen.
Day 2: Kensington Market, Kitchener, Guelph, and Second CityOn my way to Kensington Market, I found what appears to be authentic Canadian grafitti.
I went by where Planet Kensington was, where RVG:TZM played in 2005, only to discover it had been turned into a burger place.
Next, I drove about 100km west to Kitchener to go to a metal store. To balance the universe I did something very unmetal: I went to the park.
Next I went to a guitar store and a hockey shop in Guelph. Then I returned to Toronto. After dinner, I went to see Second City.
I was given a front row seat. They had a ton of hilarious sketches. There was one when a guy was explaining a rap song to two old men about doing a "Superman" where you cover your beloved in man-mustard, then cover her in the sheet so it sticks to her back and thus looks like a cape. So they explained "JFK'ing a ho" in which you get a convertible and release some knuckle children in her face, which causes her to go back and to the left. If you're really feeling saucy, you can get a "second shooter." They also had a skit about a Fox News show that included a "Pussy Alarm" that was repeatedly set off by the NDP representative on the show. The whole show was amazing, and it was followed by a bunch of improv. Oh, yeah and if you go out the wrong door of Second City, you're in Wayne Gretzky's restaurant, which I went to last time I was in Toronto!
Day 3: Shopping, the suburbs, and METALI woke up to find that the garbage strike was over!
In the morning, I went down to the Hockey Hall of Fame (which I went to the day before, but they were closed) to pick up a Kazakhstan jersey. I was pretty close to getting it when I was in Ottawa, but I didn't. I regretted it ever since.
I came back to the hotel, got my car, and headed into the suburbs. I went to FutureShop to get DVDs of any Canadian shows I could find. I got the first season of Corner Gas, which is pretty damn ultra-Canadian. I couldn't find the Red Green show or Royal Canadian Air Farce, though. Then I went to the grocery store, which was in a mall! These Canadians have some strange traditions!
Later that day I went to Yonge-somethingorother Square. It's like a clean version of Times Square.
It included attractions such as Dueling Dummers, Crazy Jesus People, one of those living statue guys, Crazy Guy in a Straightjacket...
... and of course, Fork Ruiner Guy.
In the subway, there was a freakin bassoon player! I never thouoght a bassoon player would ever need to do this!
Later I went to Metal Night at Disgraceland and spoke to some metal people.
Day 4: The Drive BackIt was long and boring.
The End.
