I hate Epic Meal Time. In their YouTube videos, a bunch of douchebags get together and make ridiculously unhealthy food. The premise itself is pretty solid: hilariously unhealthy food. I mean, If someone told me they were going to make an 84 egg sandwich, I would definitely be intrigued...
Until I saw these morons bro down on eachother. The lead bro guy yells at the camera like he's about to rape you. I'm fairly sure these guys all play lacrosse. I bet they use the word 'mancation'. They probably all have raised Jeeps or Mitsubishis or something else equally douchbaggy. The magic of the word 'epic' is wasted on them, not to mention how much the awesome power of bacon is ruined by them.
If I wanted to watch a douchebag cook, Bobby Flay has like 10 shows on the Food Network.
Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time is the exact opposite of Epic Meal Time. Clearly they did it to mock EMT, but then it took a on life of its own. Just have a look:
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
The Missing Link: Soda Machines
You are no doubt familiar with the humble soda fountain:
And you may be familiar with the newfangled touch screen soda fountains:
If you haven't seen these things, they're wonderful. Basically, Coke went into the future and brought this back. You can choose from your standard products (all of them: Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Sprite, Sprite Zero, Pibb, Diet Pibb, Vault, Barq's, Diet Barq's, "Lemon"ade, Powerade, like 34 different Fantas, and crappy old water), but then it will let you add flavor to them! For Coke, you can add cherry, vanilla, lime, cherry vanilla (not pictured, but I've seen it!), orange, or rapsberry. Orange coke is godawful. Stay away at all costs. Rapsberry coke is quite amazing.
I recently found the Missing Link in soda fountains, though:
Thousands of years from now, after the soda fountains have become sentient and eradicated mankind with type 2 diabetes, soda fountain archaeologists may one day find this many-choiced, yet sparsely-nozzled machine. I imagine it won't slow the debate between the sentient soda fountain creationists and the sentient soda fountain evolutionists, but it will be a breakthrough for sentient soda fountain scientists!
And you may be familiar with the newfangled touch screen soda fountains:
If you haven't seen these things, they're wonderful. Basically, Coke went into the future and brought this back. You can choose from your standard products (all of them: Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Sprite, Sprite Zero, Pibb, Diet Pibb, Vault, Barq's, Diet Barq's, "Lemon"ade, Powerade, like 34 different Fantas, and crappy old water), but then it will let you add flavor to them! For Coke, you can add cherry, vanilla, lime, cherry vanilla (not pictured, but I've seen it!), orange, or rapsberry. Orange coke is godawful. Stay away at all costs. Rapsberry coke is quite amazing.
I recently found the Missing Link in soda fountains, though:
Thousands of years from now, after the soda fountains have become sentient and eradicated mankind with type 2 diabetes, soda fountain archaeologists may one day find this many-choiced, yet sparsely-nozzled machine. I imagine it won't slow the debate between the sentient soda fountain creationists and the sentient soda fountain evolutionists, but it will be a breakthrough for sentient soda fountain scientists!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Alabama
Last month, I went to scenic, beautiful Mobile, Alabama!
I saw the sight there. (Yeah, there's only one.) The USS Alabama (BB-60). It was a World War II-era battleship. (Interesting fact: They filmed parts of Under Siege on it.)
It's got everything from giant guns of death...
...to what must have been the worst thing about WWII.
That's right. Sailors had to poop into troughs while sitting on two planks of wood in a doorless half-stall. What you can't see in this picture is that the half-stalls all face another stall, so you had the added bonus of watching the dude in front of you, too!
At least the sleeping arrangements were ni-- OH GOD! Now I know why they call beds on ships "racks". Nowadays, they have the much more comforting name of "coffin racks". As horrible as they are, at least they're not like this!
It is quite an epic buoyant deathbringer!
Later on, on the way to Mississippi, I saw this:
This is Mobile, AL's actual skyline. ...You can stop laughing now.
I saw the sight there. (Yeah, there's only one.) The USS Alabama (BB-60). It was a World War II-era battleship. (Interesting fact: They filmed parts of Under Siege on it.)
It is quite an epic buoyant deathbringer!
Later on, on the way to Mississippi, I saw this:
That chalkboard says "THIS PoLiTicain Don'T Lie" (sic). This... thing... was on a property along with a doubletall trailer. It looked like the landowner built a lower level himself, mostly out of plywood, then stacked his mobile home on top of it. I didn't get a picture of it because I was fleeing for my life at that point.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Google Voice Transcription
Google Voice is great and all, but the transcription of a recent voicemail frightened me:
Hi signage alright, Sir. Got be a good right now on them when the list of what it was worked out for it. ON the pastor stock reared it was one little and find out so we got a correct everything on them on the way, it's not that strong with my mechanic everything's great here at the 7 o'clock tonight. Thanks so much misery you have a great day sirI deleted it and have been hiding in a bunker ever since.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Why The USA Is Doomed
I was a little late getting up the other morning. At exactly 6:01 AM, the north side of the DC Beltway instantly becomes a parking lot and remains that way until 9:00 PM, which is about the time they start randomly closing lanes to make sure no one gets where they're going. Yes, the Beltway works the same way Congress does.
How did I get so off topic so quickly? PERHAPS IT'S DUE TO THE RAGE I'M SEETHING IN.
I was taking some back roads to work since I had gotten up late, and I witnessed something that almost made me go on a murderous rampage. I was stuck behind a school bus that was picking up kids on a two-lane road. It was one of those routes they have now where the bus picks kids up at the end of their driveways, which pisses me off to no end. The bus ends up having to stop every 3 houses because no one can keep it in their pants these days, AND no one wants their precious snowflakes to actually have to WALK anywhere! In my day, which wasn't all that long ago, I had to walk to the damn bus stop, which wasn't even all that far away, and no one complained, goddamnit! And my grandfather had to walk uphill both ways and wrestle bears to the ground to get to school.
But as annoyed as I was for the bus having to keep stopping, I saw the thing that nearly caused me to have an aneurysm. The kids had been DRIVEN to the end of their driveways. The houses were on an acre or two. The driveways were perhaps one-tenth of a mile long. And the parent GOT IN THEIR SUV and DROVE their kid to the END OF THE DRIVEWAY! Then, after the bus picked them up, they would REVERSE ALL THE WAY BACK UP THEIR DRIVEWAY. The first person I saw do this I figured was the laziest person in America, or perhaps disabled or something. BUT NO! Literally TWO HOUSES DOWN it happened AGAIN! A few minutes later, at the end of an even shorter driveway, I saw another kid and her mom standing at the end of their driveway next to their running SUV waiting for the school bus!
These are the people electing our politicians. These are the kids who will one day grow up and have to make important decisions one day. We are 100% completely, totally, and utterly FUCKED.
How did I get so off topic so quickly? PERHAPS IT'S DUE TO THE RAGE I'M SEETHING IN.
I was taking some back roads to work since I had gotten up late, and I witnessed something that almost made me go on a murderous rampage. I was stuck behind a school bus that was picking up kids on a two-lane road. It was one of those routes they have now where the bus picks kids up at the end of their driveways, which pisses me off to no end. The bus ends up having to stop every 3 houses because no one can keep it in their pants these days, AND no one wants their precious snowflakes to actually have to WALK anywhere! In my day, which wasn't all that long ago, I had to walk to the damn bus stop, which wasn't even all that far away, and no one complained, goddamnit! And my grandfather had to walk uphill both ways and wrestle bears to the ground to get to school.
But as annoyed as I was for the bus having to keep stopping, I saw the thing that nearly caused me to have an aneurysm. The kids had been DRIVEN to the end of their driveways. The houses were on an acre or two. The driveways were perhaps one-tenth of a mile long. And the parent GOT IN THEIR SUV and DROVE their kid to the END OF THE DRIVEWAY! Then, after the bus picked them up, they would REVERSE ALL THE WAY BACK UP THEIR DRIVEWAY. The first person I saw do this I figured was the laziest person in America, or perhaps disabled or something. BUT NO! Literally TWO HOUSES DOWN it happened AGAIN! A few minutes later, at the end of an even shorter driveway, I saw another kid and her mom standing at the end of their driveway next to their running SUV waiting for the school bus!
These are the people electing our politicians. These are the kids who will one day grow up and have to make important decisions one day. We are 100% completely, totally, and utterly FUCKED.
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