Somali Pirates Make My Brain Hurt

So, I'm sure everyone is aware of the Somali pirates attempting to hijack Maersk Alabama, failing, then holding the captain for ransom. US Navy snipers disposed of them when one pointed an AK-47 at the captain being held hostage.

According to CNN, a Somali pirate named Ali Nur said, "The killing of our boys was aggression, and the U.S. will see what they get from their operation."

That's right, killing armed people who hijack unarmed merchant ships and hold the crew (and/or the ship) for ransom are complaining about who is being aggressive.

Kill 'em all I say.

Pirates aren't all bad thouogh. Here are some pirates we all can agree on:

Easter

You know who else died and rose from the grave? That's right. ODIN!

Odin is the god of (among other things) wisdom. He often sacrificed himself to gain this wisdom. He sacrificed his eye and threw it into Mímisbrunnr to drink from its "immense wisdom."

Later he was hung from Yggdrasil, while pierced with his own spear, for NINE days and nights (beat that!) to gain wisdom that would give him power in each of the nine worlds.

Wounded, pierced by a spear he hung upside down for nine days. Fasting and agony he made of himself a sacrifice to himself. Given no bread nor mead he looked down, and with a loud cry fell screaming from the world tree. In a flash of insight the secret magic of the Runes was revealed to him. He took up the Runes and mastered them; eighteen powerful charms for protection, success in battle, lovemaking, healing and the power to bring back the dead.

Maryland My Maryland

I had no idea our state song was so goddamn evil!

Here are some highlights:

The despot's heel is on thy shore, Maryland!
...referring to Lincoln

Avenge the patriotic gore
That flecked the streets of Baltimore,
Referring to the Baltimore riots in 1861 that occured when federal troops marched through the ultra-pro-Confederate Baltimore city on their way to protect Washington, DC.

Remember Carroll's sacred trust,
Remember Howard's warlike thrust,
Carroll = Charles Carroll, the only Catholic signer of the Declaration of Independence
Howard = John Edgar Howard, a Marylander who fought in the battles of White Plains, Monmouth, and Cowpens during the Revolutionary War.

With Ringgold's spirit for the fray,
With Watson's blood at Monterey,
Ringgold = Samuel Ringgold, Marylander, called the "Father of Artillery," and the first US officer to fall in the Mexican American War (Battle of Palo Alto, 1846).
Watson = William H. Watson, a Lieutenant Colonel who also died in the Mexican American War (Battle of Monterey, 1846).

Dear Mother! burst the tyrant's chain, Maryland!
Virginia should not call in vain, Maryland!
She meets her sisters on the plain-
"Sic semper!" 'tis the proud refrain
That baffles minions back amain,
Arise in majesty again,
Maryland! My Maryland!
Holy shit! That's pretty awful. What's interesting is that this song was written in 1861. John Wilkes Booth shouted "sic semper tyrannis" in 1865 as he was killing Lincoln. I imagine it was a popular phrase back then until Booth made it unfashionable. Kinda like little moustaches were probably all the rage until the 1940s.

Better the fire upon thee roll,
Better the blade, the shot, the bowl,
Than crucifixion of the soul, Maryland! My Maryland!
Yeah, if Maryland doesn't get to have slaves, then that's akin to crucifixion! Ironically, on paper, Maryland got to keep its slaves two years longer than the states that seceded (if you believe the unenforcable Emancipation Proclamation).

Huzza! she spurns the Northern scum!
She breathes! she burns! she'll come! she'll come!
Damn Northern scum! "Scum" is in the state song! Scum!

A big reason Maryland didn't leave the Union was because Lincoln had as many pro-Confederate leaders and leaders arrested as he could. (Typically, the state was divided into the Unionist northern and western counties and the Confederate eastern and southern counties, the latter including Baltimore.) As a result, when the General Assembly met to discuss secession, the legislature was able to unanimously decide they would not seceed. With the Confederates out of the way, Maryland was able to ban slavery in 1864 and give the right to vote to non-white males in 1867.

This was officially declared the state song in...

get ready for it...

1939!

Who was sitting there going, "Hey, remember when we wanted to leave the Union to join the Confederacy in that war they lost, but we didn't? Well, let's make this horrible song about wanting to leave our state song!"

Lousy state.

So, anyway, there is a Bill (2009 Maryland House Bill 1241) that if passed would change the lyrics to another poem also called Maryland My Maryland by John T. White, written in 1894. It's much less horrid (see the Bill linked above for the lyrics).

When I make the Anteitam trilogy for RVG, perhaps I shall record both versions of the song as bonus tracks

Backslash

I've been hearing a lot of people screwing up slashes and backslashes (especially in radio ads) when they're saying the address of a website. Example: w w w dot fark dot com backslash geek.

This is WRONG. These people should be hung by the neck until dead!

Let's get this straight right now:

/

Slash has been around since ANCIENT FUCKING ROME! The end.

\

Backslash was invented in the 1960s by some computer nerd so he could type /\ and \/ in ASCII. Seriously. The end.

So anyway backslashes are never used in web addresses. So, now you know.

Here's a great use for a backslash:

\m/

WTF!

New packaging... filled with BOTH OLD AND NEW CANS WTF!!!

No, thank you, Pepsi (and Safeway).

Now if I could only find some kosher Coke.