I Got an Assist at Verizon Center

Yes, I am bragging.

Verizon Center (home of the Washington Capitals) has a promotion where a local recreational or high school hockey team can buy up a block of tickets to a game, watch the game, then play on the ice after the Caps game. The friends and family you brought along with you get to watch your game from section 100. My team, the Puck Hogs, took advantage of this deal last month.

Before the game started, we had to bring all of our hockey gear to the press entrance of Verizon Center. Before bringing it inside, some poor dog had to sniff each hockey bag for explosives or drugs or something. All that dog smelled was 30 different bags full of disgusting hockey gear.

We brought our bags into the basement of Verizon Center, passing by the locker rooms for the Mystics, the Wizards, the Red Rockers, and of course, the Capitals. We ditched our bags in what was basically a closet near the end of the hallway that connects to the Zamboni tunnel. Joel Ward was walking around the bowels of the arena and our Czech player had a chance to talk to his countryman, Milan Michalek.

At the end of the second period, we had to meet with our Verizon Center liaison, go back into the seemy underbelly of Verizon Center, and move all of our stuff to a "dressing room", which was not exactly set up to have a hockey team get ready in. It seemed to be more of a small, all-purpose dressing room. My area was just a folding chair.

The Caps game was fine, I guess. Here's the recap. Caps won.

At the end of the third, we once again met the liaison, and once again went to the basement to get changed.

The Puck Hogs sat on the visitor's bench; the Red Army (our opponents) sat on the Capitals bench. Despite their name, the Red Army wore white and we wore red. The bench itself is higher than at the rinks around the DC area. If I sat on the bench, my feet did not touch the ground.

The ice at Verizon Center is surprisingly nice. It's well-lit, too. I didn't find any of the ads on the ice or the boards distracting at all. The biggest downside to being on the ice is that you can't see the scoreboard very easily. Maybe there was a more subtle one hiding somewhere. I repeatedly attempted to look at the TyrannoVision while on the ice to see how long I had been on my shift.

From the ice, of course, you can see every single seat in the arena. Save for a bunch of seats in Section 100, they were all empty. I can't begin to imagine what it sounds like when all the seats are full.

My assist was anticlimactic. The puck was passed to me along the boards in the neutral zone. I centered it and crashed the net. The first shot bounced off the goalie; someone else picked up the rebound and scored. Still, it was amazing to have gotten an assist in Verizon Center, the same number Andrew Gordon has gotten there. That's right, I'm just as good as Andrew Gordon.

We lost, just like the Capitals. HEY-O!

Atlanta Loses Another Team to Canada

Canadians: If you want more Canadian hockey teams, lobby for another Atlanta team in your spare time.

Earlier today, Atlanta lost its second NHL team to Canada. In fact, the only two teams in League history to move from the US to Canada have both been from Atlanta: the Atlanta Flames became the Calgary Flames in 1980, and now the Atlanta Thrashers are going to Winnipeg.

Winnipeg's former team, the Jets, moved to Phoenix to become the Phoenix Coyotes. For a while, it seemed they would be the ones to move to Winnipeg. At that point, it would have made sense to call the "new" Winnipeg team the Jets again. But now I'm torn. Should they remain the Thrashers? And what is a "thrasher" exactly?

I don't think calling them the Jets is completely out the window. But consider this: according to the deal, the AHL team currently in Winnipeg, the Manitoba Moose, are moving to St. John's, Newfoundland and Labrador. I think the Thrashers should seriously consider becoming the Winnipeg Moose (or Manitoba Moose if you like the alliteration) and use the greatest team logo ever:

Canadian Cities & NHL Teams

Every year there's talk of relocation of struggling NHL teams. Typically the hope is that teams such as the Phoenix Coyotes, the Atlanta Thrashers, or the Florida Panthers will move to Canada to replace the teams it has lost in the last 20 years.

One argument I've heard is that the Canadaian cities just aren't big enough to have a team that would be financially successful in the today's NHL. But how big are these cities, exactly?

Let's skip the 5 largest cities in Canada (Toronto, Montréal, Clagary, Ottawa, and Edmonton) because they already have teams, as well as the 6th largest city, Mississauga, because it's smashed up next to Toronto.

The 7th largest city in Canada is Winnipeg, with a population* of 633,451. Winnipeg used to be home of the Jets, who became the Phoenix Coyotes in 1996.

The 8th largest city in Canada is Vancouver, and it is the home of the Canucks, so we shall skip it.

The 9th largest city in Canada is Hamilton, population 504,559. There have been annual efforts by Canadian billionaire Jim Balsillie to move teams here and it's easy to see why. There are 4 other NHL teams withing driving distance from Hamilton. There is no way a team here wouldn't be successful. Too bad the NHL owners all hate Balsillie.

And finally the 10th largest city, and last one with any hope of getting an NHL team, is Québec City, with a population of 491,142.

Winnipeg, Hamilton, and Québec City all have populations larger than a lot of US cities, such as Miami, FL (433,136**); Raleigh, NC (405,612); St. Louis, MO (356,587); Tampa, FL (343,890); Anaheim, CA (337,896); Pittsburgh, PA (311,647); and Buffalo, NY (270,240), all cities with NHL teams. In fact, Winnipeg has more people in it than Denver, Nashville, DC, and Atlanta (and almost as many people as there are in Baltimore).

So, if all other things were equal, then why the hell aren't these teams moving to Canada? Because all other things aren't equal, sadly. For starters, the populations don't include metropolitan areas. Furthermore, Canadians are generally poorer than Americans. Then there are TV contracts, travel costs, etc, etc, etc. But damnit, let's get some teams moved back up to Canada.

*Canadian populations as of 2006

**US populations as of 2009

Verizon Center's Seats

...still have the old Caps logo on the end of the rows. Imagine how expensive and tedious it would be to change every single one.

I Was on HBO!

My lovely fiancée and I were on the first episode of HBO 24/7 Presents NHL Hockey Penguins vs. Capitals.

I'm the blue blob in the top left corner. That's right, I was at a Caps game wearing my Leafs jersey. Give me a break. I only get to wear it twice a season. The lovely fiancée is the reddish smudge to the right of me.

Tomas Kaberle Has No Chin

Am I That Threatening On The Ice?

Last night was our playoff game for the spring season. I drew 3 penalties. Apparently I'm so threatening that the other team needs to take me out by any means necessary.

• First, I had a breakaway where one of their defenders took me out. I landed on all pads and slid into the boards. They called 2 minutes for hooking (I think -- I haven't seen the official box score).
• Later I was going after the puck in their zone and was checked from behind. 2 minutes.
• Finally, in the third, I was high sticked in the face. (Or the cage, rather.) Another 2 minutes.

This is the second game in a row where I was more or less targeted by the other team's players.

In the previous game, I was playing defense and even more things happened to me:

• I was checked after the whistle and landed hard on my hip. That took a little while to feel better. No call.
• I was hooked a little later in their zone. No call.
• In a situation just like last time, the puck went to the boards and me and this guy went after it. He fucking slashed my stick so I pushed him hard and steadily into the boards, which is perfectly legal because we were both there and he was covering the puck. Then one of their other guys comes and checks me. I got up and screamed "What the fuck is wrong with you, you fucking asshole?!?!" He said "I didn't like what you were doing to my guy." "This is a fucking non-checking league!" "You were--" "(mocking) You were wah wah wah wah FUCK YOU!" and I skated to the bench. He got a 2-minute roughing penalty. I'm told he was trying to kick me with his skate, too.
• Shortly thereafter, while I was on  the bench, this one asshole checks our best player in open ice. No call. The period ends and he starts yelling at one of our guys near our bench about it. I got up and yelled "Shut the fuck up, go back to your bench, and sit the fuck down!" He looks up and skates to the bench and comes up to our alternate captain and said real quietly, "What did you say to me?" I said "It was me and I told you to sit the fuck down, asshole!" Before he could do anything, the ref comes over and makes him go sit down.
• Later I got slashed in the shin just below my shin pad. I couldn't skate for a few minutes. No call. Still hurts.

I refused to shake their hands. It's the first time I've ever done that.

I really don't think I'm such an amazing player that I need to be taken out at this level. I had 4 shots in both the last games combined. Only 1 of them was any good.

I'm usually leading the forecheck and I will cover the man on the point, which will occasionally lead to a breakaway, but that's really what any wing should be doing.

Frankly the two teams mentioned above shouldn't be in the D league. They both have several ringers that should be playing 2 leagues above us. We hold them off as best we can, but it does get frustrating in the long run. I'm looking forward to the winter season when the teams have been evened out a little better.

Baltimore Blizzards' AHL Season

Warning: extreme nerding over a video game lies ahead.

Since the Baltimore Blizzards (my created team in NHL 2010) were slaughtered by Belarus in the World Tournament, it was decided to go "back to basics" and compete in the AHL somehow. The Blizzards replaced the now-defunct Iowa Chops for the season. Needless to say, the Blizzards went undefeated in the regular season.

For some reason I threw all the stats into a spreadsheet: BBZ AHL Season.

T. Regan (#9) had the most goals, most assists, most points, 3d most PIMS, 2d best +/-, and 4th most hits in the AHL.

D. Miller (#13) had the 2d most assists, 3d most points, most PIMS, 3d best +/-, and most hits in the AHL and the most goals of all defensemen.

A. El-Zeftawy (#26) had the 3d most assists, 6th most points, 2d most PIMS, best +/-, 2d most hits in the AHL and the 2d most goals of all defensemen.

The Blizzards had players with the 1st through 13th and 15th best +/- in the AHL

The Blizzards as a team had the most goals for (next team had 244), most goals for per game (next team had 3.05), fewest goals against (next team had 194), fewest power plays, most times shorthanded (413 -- the next team has 170), best penalty kill (yet most power play goals against), and most shorthanded goals for (next team had 6 -- that's 80 less!).

Now hopefully we can be undefeated in the post season as well. Then it's on to the NHL.

Bad Penalties

Last night the (still undefeated) Puck Hogs played the Wings. We tied, making us 8-0-1 for the season.

This was the chippiest team we've ever played. The refs called the game relatively fairly until the end of the game. In the second period, Ryan and I had a two on one, racing towards their goal when one of their defensemen hooked me and took me out. He was called for roughing*. Good call.
*The guy who roughed me was checked in open ice later in the period. It's a non-checking league. Our man got 2 for roughing of course. In the third the same guy from our team got in a fight that wasn't entirely his fault and was ejected. In one game he managed to get the most penalty minutes of anyone on the team.

In the third period, though, the puck went against the boards and I went after it, pushing one of their guys into the boards, which is perfectly legal. no one had control of the puck, so I kept the guy tied up when one of their guys dropped his stick, BEAR HUGGED ME from behind, and fell backwards, causing me to land on top of him. That is all kinds of illegal. The refs decided we both deserved penalties. I didn't even realize I was being called too. The other guy was on his way to the box because he knows he's a fucking failure, but when the ref came over to me and said "let's go" I couldn't believe it. As I was skating to the box, I asked the ref what the penalty was. He said "roughing I think." What the hell!

Of my 6 penalty minutes this season (though the website says I have 4 PIMS) I only deserve two of them. First, my other penalty that I didn't deserve: I took the puck into their zone (I forget which team) when one of their guys took me down. He didn't get called. As I was getting up I realized my stick was stuck. I looked down and the guy had let go of his stick and had both hands on my stick. I yanked on it and said something like "let of of my fucking stick motherfucker." He had the deer-in-headlights look in his eyes. The ref called me for cross-checking. Does he even know what cross-checking is??

The one penalty I deserved happened a couple weeks ago. I was against the boards when one of their guys tripped me. Again, no call. As I'm trying to get up, one of their guys grabs my helmet and pushed my head into the boards. Still no call. As the guy stepped over me I grabbed one of his skates and yanked. He went face first into the ice. Two minutes for tripping on me. Excellent call, but where were the other calls??

The HNA refs need to call the games both ways. It gets very frustrating how many liberties they let the other team take with us. I assume it has something to do with us being undefeated, but who knows?

Montréal Canadiens 100 Year Anniversary

The Montréal Canadiens are playing their official Centennial Game tonight against the Boston Bruins.

I'd summarize their history for you, but Puck Daddy does a fantastic job in Our begrudging tribute to 100 years of Canadiens hockey.

Best Goalie Masks

I wanted to make a post about the best goalie masks in the NHL, but I'm lazy. Luckily, TSN already did it for me.

My favorites:


Cam Ward
(Carolina Hurricanes)
Blackbeard the Pirate. I hate the stupid old English lettering of "Ward" on the chin, though.




Craig Anderson
(Colorado Avalanche)
Sasquatch, who himself is also wearing a goalie mask. I liked his mask last year when he played for the Florida Panthers. It was a mechanized Panther of doom!




Jonathan Quick
(LA Kings)
How can you go wrong with a knight's helmet?




Envgeni Nabokov
(San Jose Sharks)
A zombie thing of some kind!




Mike Smith
(Tampa Bay Lightning)
YES! Pirates and lightning and stuff! It reminds me of the cover of Symphony X's The Odyssey.




Vesa Toskala
(Toronto Maple Leafs)
He's not on this list because he's a Leaf. He's on this list because skulls fucking rule!




Semyon Varlamov
(Washington Capitals)
I like the whole two-face thing he has going on, but I wish he had picked a better American symbol than Mount Rushmore, since it's nowhere near DC. Great mask nonetheless.

The Best Hockey Teams in Town, Hon!

We all know that Baltimore is the best city in town. But did you know that the best city in town also had the best hockey teams in town? Most of them played for the American Hockey League (AHL), which is the league below the National Hockey League (NHL). What were the best teams in town? Here we go:

Baltimore Clippers (1962-1976 AHL; 1976-1977 SHL) Home Arena: Baltimore Civic Center

The Clippers were actually a competent team. They won their division 3 times. Which division were they in? The East, West, and South Divisions! (Not all at the same time.) Yes, a team from Baltimore was in the West Division. They made it to the Calder Cup finals in the 1971-1972 season, but lost to the Nova Scotia Voyaguers, who eventually became the Hamilton Bulldogs (an affiliate of the Montréal Canadiens). In 1976, the Clippers left the AHL to join the Southern Hockey League, which promptly folded at the end of the season. The Clippers withdrew from the AHL halfway through the 1974-1975 season (one in which they weren't doing to well anyway), only to reform and come back for the 1975-1976 season. Why? Because...

Baltimore Blades (1974-1975 AHL) Home Arena: Baltimore Civic Center

...the Baltimore Blades came to town! Formerly the Michigan Stags of the World Hockey Association (WHA -- who gave the NHL the Hartford Whalers, Edmonton Oilers, Winnipeg Jets, and Québec Nordiques when it folded), the team moved to Baltimore in the 1974-1975 season when troubles on (terrible players) and off (terrible attendance) the ice cause the Stags to fold. By "the team" moved, I mean all the players on the WHA Stags just played on the AHL Blades. Since the Clippers had withdrawn and didn't need their jerseys, the Blades simply sewed their logos on top of the Clippers logos. Sadly, the Blades/Stags sucked no matter where they played. They ended the season with a 3-13-1 record. (That's wins-losses-ties, for you non-hockey people.) The team promptly folded (and the Clippers returned the next season).

Baltimore was without professional hockey for a handful of years until...

Baltimore Skipjacks (1981-1982 ACHL; 1982-1993 AHL) Home Arena: Baltimore Arena

...the Skipjacks! The Baltimore Skipjacks were in the Atlantic Coast Hockey League (ACHL) for one season before being taken over by the AHL's Erie Blades (no relation to the Baltimore Blades). A slew of Blades players and their coach moved to Baltimore and the Skipjacks entered the AHL in 1982. The Skipjacks lost in the Calder Cup finals of the 1984-1985 season to the Sherbrooke Canadiens (formerly the Nova Scotia Voyageurs)! Bastards! During their 10 years, they made (and lost in the) the playoffs 5 times and won the Southern division only once. They were the AHL affiliate for the Boston Bruins, the Pittsburgh Penguins, and the Washington Capitals. (Not all at the same time, I'm sure.) The team relocated in 1993 to Portland, ME to become the Portland Pirates (who, while the Capitals affiliate, gave us Alexander Semin).

Two more years of nothing until:

Baltimore Bandits (1995-1997 AHL) Home Arena: Baltimore Arena

The Baltimore Bandits were an affiliate of (sigh) the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim. The Bandits made it to the playoffs in both seasons they played, beating the Hershey Bears in the first round of the first season. The team was minimally successful financially, so they moved in 1997 to Cincinatti, becoming the Cincinatti Mighty Ducks. In 2005, Disney, who had owned the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim since their beginning in 1993, sold the franchise. The new owners promptly changed the name to the less gay Anaheim Ducks. The Cincinatti Mighty Ducks became the Rockford IceHogs, whose logo looks awfully familiar....

Washington Capitals & the Playoffs

My prediction:

IF the Caps lose game 6 tonight or game 7, here is what I think will happen:

2006-2007: Caps do not make playoffs
2007-2008: Caps lose in Eastern Conference Quarter Finals
2008-2009: Caps lose in Eastern Conference Semi Finals
2009-2010: Caps lose in Eastern Conference Finals
2010-2011: Caps lose in Stanley Cup Finals
2011-2012: CAPS WIN STANLEY CUP!

This is obviously based on a linear projection. (And you'll notice that's a pretty big IF.)

Go Caps!

Hat Tricks

I was at Game 2. Ovechkin got a hat trick. It was amazing. You can see about 1/4 of the hats thrown onto the ice in that picture up there.

From Puck Daddy:

Crosby, ever the competitor, had seen enough of the celebration, and skated to the referee as head gear hit the ice.

"People kept throwing hats. I was just asking if he could make an announcement to ask them to stop. The first wave came, and then I think they were all pretty much picked up, and more started coming," Crosby said after the game. "I just wanted to make sure that we kept kind of moving, kept the game going while we tried to get back into it. Wasn't complaining about anything."

He seems awfully quick to point out that he wasn't whining. (He was.)

Cindy Crysby Sidney Crosby also got a hat trick that night (on crappy rebound goals, mind you). When Crosby got his, a hilarious grand total of two (2) hats were thrown onto the ice, both from right behind the Penguins' bench.

NHL on NBC sucks

NBC is broadcasting most of the 2009 Stanley Cup Playoff this year. During the season, all the Caps games are on Comcast Sports Net. The commentators on Comcast (Joe Beninati, Craig Laughlin, Al Koken) are fantastic. The NBC guys (who cares who they are?) are awful. They obviously know nothing about the Capitals except about Alexander Ovechkin, and worship any team the Caps are playing against.

During the Pittsburgh game yesterday, for example, Ovechkin's goal was replayed about 80 billion times, but Steckel's goal, which made Fleury (the Penguins' goalie) look like a blithering idiot, only once, right after it was done.

Later, Crosby made a desperate shot that was high and wide and never had a chance. The commentator said "what a fantastic shot!" NO! NO IT WASN'T! IT WAS TERRIBLE!



They also talked about how Ovechkin may be physical, but so is Cindy Crysby Sydney Crosby! Um, no, Crosby punches guys in the balls from behind.

Steckel's goal is 1 minute in. I suggest you watch it a few times.