An Evening on Omegle Part 7

Last Saturday I spent some time on Omegle, which allows you to anonymously chat with strangers. Here is one of the real conversations I had:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: HAII YOU CAN BE MY NEW BEST FRIEND IF YOU CAN PROVE YOUR COOL

You: Wow, that might be one of the only times misspelling "you're" actually still works.

You: "Your cool" as in "my cool," which is a thing I have to prove.

You: Saying "I must prove my cool" is still a coherent sentence!

Stranger: True. You are a Smarticle.

You: "Smarticle" is pretty clever.

Stranger: If a quiz is a quizicale, then what is a test?

You: Interesting how you can be so clever yet make such an easily avoidable mistake (your/you're).

You: I'm not sure I understand the premise.

You: What is a quizicale? It sounds Central American, especially if you pronounce the final e.

You: Was he an Incan king or something?

Stranger: if a quiz is a quizICLE then what a test?

Stranger: I thought you were smart?

You: Like an icicle?

Stranger: TESTICLE dumbass

You: Is that some Greek guy?

Stranger: Imma kill you.

You: (pronounce it like so: tes-ti-clay)

You: Who is Imma?

Stranger: It's called slang, bitch.

You: What is called slang? I'm confused by your pronoun.

Stranger: You should go die in a hole.

You: Well, most people die and then enter a hole (i.e. a grave). Would that suffice?

You: Furthermore, we all should die. Imagine the overpopulation!

You: So I believe you, sir/ma'am, should also die at some point. Whether you want to be in a hole afterwards is your perogative.

Stranger: True.

You: Thank you for your wise words!

Stranger: Nadda problem, dawg.

Stranger: Yknow, I'm such a cool kid.

You: What is your metric for determining this?

Stranger: It's obvious, don't you think?

You: If it were obvious, I wouldn't have to ask you your coolness metric, would I?

Stranger: Well, you are retarded, and it is obvious, so everyone who understands coolness knows how cool I am.

You: What makes you think I am retarded?

Stranger: You seem retarded. Do you think you are smart?

You: I'm not the one confusing "your" with "you're," even if it was a happy accident on your part that it worked out fine.

You: Well, define "smart."

Stranger: Fine. If you are so smart, what came first, the chicken or the egg?

You: A 5 year old child who can read the newspaper would be considered smart, even though it is a rather common practice for millions of people.

You: Easy: the egg. I don't eat chicken until at least lunch.

Stranger: Who do you figure the egg came first? How was the egg made if there was no chicken before it?

Stranger: *How

You: Well there are plenty of egg-laying animals aside from chickens.

You: Your attempt at presenting me with a paradox to somehow prove my retardedness does not impress me.

Stranger: Your face does not impress me.

You: Nor should it impress you.

You: For you cannot see it.

Stranger: How old are you? Like 58?

You: Where did you come up with that number?

You: Is it random, or is it based on some sort of observation?

Stranger: You seem like a lonely old man who has nothing better to do than go on Omegle.

You: Ah, but aren't you yourself participating in the same activity?

You: To quote the great philosopher Robb Spewak, "I am as God made me, sir."

Stranger: Yeah, but I'm young.

Stranger: Therefore that means I can afford to waste some of my time on here.

You: We still haven't established my true age.

Stranger: Then, what is it?

You: Let me ask you this:

You: If life does indeed begin at conception, when why do we calculate our age using our birthdays?

Stranger: Why not?

You: Because if you define "age" as the time one is alive, then life begins at birth. Therefore, any claim that life begins at conception would be false.

You: I suggest you bring this up if you ever find yourself in a Catholic church.

Stranger: Huh. And why does this matter to anyone?

You: Ah, it should concern you, young man.

You: (Assuming you're a man.)

Stranger: I am a woman, you idiot.

You: Well, how exactly am I supposed to figure that out from your inane drivel?

Stranger: I am guessing you're a man? A pedophile who is 58?

You: Anyway, imagine you become pregnant. You are faced with the option of getting an abortion. You take it upon yourself to come to a well-reasoned, thought-out decision on whether or not to get said abortion. Suppose someone tells you that you shouldn't because life begins at conception. You cannot decide whether that is true until you consider what age is and how we determine it.

Stranger: Kay, so. I think you should shut up and get a life.

You: Now if you do decide that life begins at conception, decide abortion is murder and do not have the procedure done, then how old is your child when it is born?

You: It is 9 months old.

You: Q.E.D.

Stranger: STOP, you are really annoying.

You: I am not physically capable of getting a life. You, however, are.

You: A life within you.

You: As in a child.

Stranger: Fucking creepy...

You: I am simply stating a medical fact.

Stranger: Yeah. Bye.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

An Evening on Omegle Part 6

Last Saturday I spent some time on Omegle, which allows you to anonymously chat with strangers. Here is one of the real conversations I had:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: How about that Obama?
Stranger: hey baby
You: Hello.
Stranger: i dont like n*ggers [Timmortal: I don't want my page associated with that word, hence the censoring.]
You: Is that a fact?
Stranger: ya
You: You don't seem to appreciate grammar either.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: THERE IS NO GOD!

Stranger: i agree

You: Cool.

You: I like where this went.

Stranger: me too

Stranger: good bye

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Hi

Stranger: hey asl

You: Is "asl" short for asshole?

You: Because it sounds like it.

You: Fuck you, asshole.

Stranger: age sex location

You: Well, I'm in my twenties. I don't have a regular sex location anymore. But usually I'd do it in my bed.

You: Where is your sex location?

Stranger: it means where u live idiot

Stranger: and if your male or female

You: Oh, I apologize.

You: I live in a house.

You: And do you want to know my sex or my gender?

Stranger: gender

You: Male.

You: And what is yours?

Stranger: female

You: Wonderful.

You: What state do you reside in?

You: Or province

You: Or country

Stranger: canada .
u ?

You: Modify my question as necessary.

You: I live in Canada's shoe, America.

You: What's your sex location?

Stranger: nice .
canadas pretty awesome

You: Well, parts of it are.

You: Manitoba sucks like the Dakotas.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

An Evening on Omegle Part 5

Last Saturday I spent some time on Omegle, which allows you to anonymously chat with strangers. Here is one of the real conversations I had:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: I'm really enjoying this so-called "Internet."

Stranger: the interweb? how so

You: Well, I am currently having a text-based conversation with a person whom I, in all likelihood, will never have the pleasure of meeting in person.

You: It's quite mind-blowing if you think about it.

Stranger: it is, but technology moves foward, so this to me is pretty normal

You: And conversely, I would wager that it isn't mind-blowing if you don't think about it.

You: Which itself is interesting.

Stranger: i have though about it, just normal. technology what it holds is mindblowing ill give you that

Stranger: its potential

You: Quite. Observe:

You: Look to your right and tell me what you see.

Stranger: a wall

You: Same here!

Stranger: pictures etc

You: Describe the wall.

You: Mind has a light switch and a calendar on it.

You: *Mine

Stranger: brown ish paint, has a white door, wall paper, with my work resting against it

You: The calendar is on the correct month, as well, which is a bit of an anomaly for me.

You: Your work?

Stranger: univeristy work

You: Fantastic!

Stranger: how so

You: Without technology, we may have never known this about our respective walls to our respective right sides.

You: It's amazing it is!

Stranger: lol

Stranger: you seem very easily impressed

Stranger: can i ask your name?

You: You can, but I'm afraid I must get going.

Stranger: lol

You: And for this I apologize.

Stranger: fair enough

Stranger: no worries

You: Have a good evening.

Stranger: least i know youre american

Stranger: you too, well good morning here, 4 am

You: Because it's evening or because I spelled it "apologize"?

Stranger: apologize

Stranger: but i assume other countries spell it that way, mainly north america though

Stranger: so america or canada im presuming

You: Well done. I just had a conversation about the spelling of "offense."

You: ...with a fellow American

Stranger: lol

Stranger: offenCe :p

You: That is what I had to explain. HE also told me I seemed British.

You: Which I took as a compliment.

Stranger: no no

Stranger: maybe from your grammar

You: Yeah, that's what I assumed.

Stranger: well proper use of language from caps etc

You: Okay, well have a good morning, sir or madam.

You have disconnected.

An Evening on Omegle Part 4

Last Saturday I spent some time on Omegle, which allows you to anonymously chat with strangers. Here is one of the real conversations I had:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: cool

You: I'll say.

Stranger: old ladies

You: I'm not sure I understand.

Stranger: me neither.

You: Cool old ladies perhaps?

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: eating cake

You: Cake is fantastic, but I would need to know what kind of icing.

You: Butter creme?

You: (Or "cream" I guess. I don't know)

Stranger: cream* haha

Stranger: and it's just vanilla

You: Well, the stuff inside Oreos is "creme"

Stranger: oh really? yumm!!! :D

Stranger: are you british?

You: And it's delicious, as is icing, so you can forgive my spelling error.

You: Why do you ask?

You: And do you mean by citizenship or ancestry?

Stranger: because you seem british

Stranger: no im british too lol

You: I will take that as a compliment, since I am in fact an American.

Stranger: well im a stupid american but im from englandd:D

Stranger: no offence

Stranger: sorry i was assuming your british

You: Well you spelled "offence" Britishly.

Stranger: and my british friends hate america

You: That's right, I made "British" an adverb.

Stranger: omg thats awesome:DD

You: Feel free to use "Britishly" royalty-free.

You: (Pun intended.)

Stranger: wait, how do you spell offence then?

You: On this side of the Atlantic, it's "offense."

You: I believe it was Webster's doing. I'm not completely sure about that, though.

Stranger: ohh well we're from the east coast

Stranger: if that makes a difference

You: Well, it has been a pleasure, but I believe I am going to move on now, no offense to yourself.

Stranger: okeliedokelie chao

You: Farewell!

You have disconnected.

An Evening on Omegle Part 3

Last Saturday I spent some time on Omegle, which allows you to anonymously chat with strangers. Here is one of the real conversations I had:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: asl?

Stranger: horny girl????

You: Very.

Stranger: sweat can i see a nude pic of u

You: Sweat?

You: Dude, I barely know you.

Stranger: or no my email is :: edog_borrero[@]hotmail.com [I added the []s]

You: "edog" as in an electronic dog?

You: Can we start from the beginning?

Stranger: no nd ok why

You: In real life, you would have to date me for years and put up with endless mental and emotional abuse before I would give you a tastefully nude image of myself.

You: Me, a horny girl.

Stranger: why????

Stranger: jw

You: So, let me get to know you.

You: What time zone do you live in?

You: I am on Atlantic Time.

You: 11:39PM it is.

Stranger: i dnt remember over here the time is 10:39

Stranger: PM

You: Well that would be Eastern Daylight Time, or EDT.

You: You could be in Brazil, or perhaps Québec, maybe in Antarctica.

You: Who knows?

You: Longitude has always been my enemy.

Stranger: wow lolsx i live in pa

You: What is your family's average annual income?

Stranger: idk

You: (Average over the last 5 years is fine.)

Stranger: i dnt pay attention

You: Well, how many bedrooms are in your house?

Stranger: 4 why

You: And how many levels?

You: And would you describe your neighborhood as "within a major metropolitan area"?

Stranger: 2 nd idk

You: Well, let me ask you this: if you wanted to go "downtown," what mode of transportation would you take, assuming there are no cars available?

Stranger: bus or bike

You: How many times would you have to transfer bus lines?

Connection imploded.

An Evening on Omegle Part 2

Last Saturday I spent some time on Omegle, which allows you to anonymously chat with strangers. Here are two of the real conversations I had:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: bye

You: Um, that was enlightening.

You: Thank you for your amazing linguistic skills.

You: I shall always remember this day.

You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: In which aisle would I find the mayo?

Stranger: the third aisle

You: From which side?

You: Or do you mean aisle #3?

Stranger: on the left next to the ketchup

Stranger: and no i mean aisle #2

You: So it's #2, but it's the third aisle. What's the first aisle? Produce?

Stranger: yes

You: Awesome.

You: What kind of produce?

You: Is it seasonal?

You: I hope it is.

Stranger: yes it is seasonal

You: FUCK! YES!

Stranger: any season you want

You: ...Well then it's not seasonal is it?

You: It's fucking year-round then

You: Fuck that shit!

Stranger: its year round seasonal

You: You make no fucking sense!

You: You have RUINED my evening!

You: BYE!

You have disconnected.

An Evening on Omegle Part 1

So, after an evening of teaching the RVG:TZM drummer some Burning Shadows songs, I decided to relax by getting harassed by strangers on Omegle. (FYI: Omegle is like Chat Roulette minus the camera. You talk to random strangers.)

This week, I will be posting real conversations I had.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: m or f

You: woah woah i'm not ready for that kind of committment

You: how about what country first

Your conversational partner has disconnected.