Marathon Stickers

You've seen them, you just may not know it. They're on just about every third or fourth SUV (and sometimes on cars, as well) in the DC area. It's one of those white oval OBX-style stickers with a number in it, usually 13.1 or 26.2, which is how many miles long a half-marathon and a marathon are, respectively.

They come in several variations. Usually, the numbers are in Papyrus, which is a travesty on its own. Perhaps the saddest version of all:

Awww did somebody run a 5k? That's like meeting a guitarist that just figured out a blues scale.

When you see these stickers, it means a few things:

1. The driver of the SUV you're behind either ran, attempted to run, or makes you want to think he ran a marathon.
2. He wants you to think he's better than you because he ran a marathon and you didn't.
3. He's not afraid to brag about his marathon-ing, mostly due to the fact the he's a douchebag.

So you ran a marathon. Big fucking deal. I don't need to know about it. You're not better than me. I have better things to do with my time than to run around all the time. Complaining to the internet about people bragging about running around and taking pictures while I'm sitting in traffic are two activities that are better than running around like an idiot. Take that sticker and shove it.

A half iron man? I'm not impressed. The bike did most of the work.

Tissues and Cars

Jenny once long ago pointed out how amazingly stupid it is for people to have a box of tissues in the back windshield area of their cars. If you're driving and need a tissues, you can't reach them because they're in the back-friggin-window!

Trying to play devil's advocate, I suggested that maybe they are for the children that could hypothetically be in the back seat. But then she pointed out that children are stupid too and wouldn't use tissues; they would just pick their nose and eat it. Of course, she's right, and tissues in the back window are just another Symbol of the Idiot, along with, among other things, the word "whatnot" and watching Fox News.

Anyway, the other day driving around I saw something that further proved that she is right: a box of tissues in the back window that not a single person in the car could possibly reach because the back seat had child seats in it!

Idiot Drivers

What is it about I-495 that attracts all the morons?

Yesterday afternoon, while I was on I-495, I saw a BMW convertible driving around with a foot outside of the car next to the rearview mirror. It was the driver's foot! As I was gazing in awe at this spectacle, the passenger dumped some liquid over the side of the car which then covered my windshield.

Shortly thereafter, some moron in a red Maseratti was driving with his right turn signal on. Normally I would applaud the use of turn signals, but his was on for about 3 miles before I could no longer see him.

This morning, some idiot in a giant SUV wouldn't let me into his lane so I could take my exit. (Just to preempt some stupid people's comments, I must enter the stretch of I-495 from the left, and my exit is on the right, so such lane changes are necessary.) Anyway, he clearly wasn't giving me any additional room, despite the fact that my turn signal had been on for an appropriate amount of time. He was SURPRISED when I changed lanes anyway, despite the fact he wasn't giving me much room. Then he honked the gayest horn I've ever heard, especially for an SUV. I got off the interstate immediately, but his horn continued. What the hell is wrong with people?

(Again, to preempt stupid comments, it would've been even less safe to speed up or slow down to get in front of other cars. Missing the exit is also not an option because otherwise I would've ended up in Virginia, which should be avoided at all costs. I maintain that I didn't actually cut him off, despite what he thinks. I'd say we were halfway between a cut-off and a proper lane change.)

It seems people think it's all about them. I don't understand people who actively don't let anyone get in front of them. They are driving in Me World and if they give any room for another car to slip in, it could cost them perhaps ONE SECOND in their overall drive time, not to mention looking weak in front of all the other drivers. I'm willing to bet these are the same people that spout out buzzwords in meetings to make everyone think they're smart. I'm on to you. You're insecure or unhappy about everything in your life so you drive like an asshole. Oh, yeah and no one is buying the buzzwords at meetings thing. We all know you're stupid.

DC Traffic Sucks

Previously: Smog v. Haze

Article: You Spend 62 Hours a Year in Traffic

LA once again has the most traffic in the country. Just another reason to hate it. DC has the second most traffic in the country, so that makes it almost as bad as LA. Sigh.

Idiot Driver

Complaining about the driving in the DC area in general isn't worth it because I'd probably develop an ulcer before I'm through writing about it. But, sometimes there is that one idiot that just grinds my gears, so to speak.

So, I'm driving into work this morning, as I have been known to do on occasion. I was in the lane second from the right, and my exit was coming up in a mile. Why wasn't I in the right lane? Because no one knows how to safely merge into that lane from the previous exit, plus there's always some idiot going 45mph in it instead of 90mph* like everyone else.

So I start looking to change lanes so I can easily get off at the next exit. If I were to miss the exit, it would take about 15 minutes to get to an exit where I can turn around and then come all the way back. So anyway there's no real room to change lanes because the guy next to me is pacing me for some reason and there's a car in from of me so I can't go in front of the guy next to me.

At this point, I'm a half mile from the exit. I put on my turn signal. The guy in front of me is out of the way, but the guy next to me is slightly ahead of me. I figure I could make it in front of him, but it wouldn't be easy, wise, nice, or safe, so I do the good deed and slow down so I can get behind his car then get off at my exit, which at this point is rapidly approaching.

Well, the silver Buick in the lane behind the guy next to me (with plenty of room in front of him, I might add), was having none of it. There was plenty of room in front of the Buick, but he saw my turn signal and decided to close in fast! Well, I was having none of that, so I went ahead and changed lanes. Well he was still having none of that so he flashed his high beams. I will have none of his high beams, so I gave him the finger as I got into the exit lane, slowing down so I made sure he can see it.

Giving the finger can be very satisfying sometimes. I hope to think I ruined his day and he's going to be all snippy the rest of the day, then his boss will fire him, then he'll have to sell his Buick... or live in it. Yes, live in it. He should have let me in. Asshole.

I really don't understand the Buick moron's mentality. "Oh, no, you're not occupying the space in front of me for all of 5 seconds! I see your turn signal and lack of options, but nuh-uh! I'll speed up so you can't come in! I'm a douchebag!"

*I keed, I keed!