A Letter to Clingfilm

Dear Clingfilm,

I hate you. No, I loathe you. You are a jerk. First of all, your damn serrated edge gets me every time. Why can't you be more like your cousin, the aluminum foil? He at least keeps his serrated edge tucked in until you need it. But no, you're so lazy and poorly designed I nick my thumb every time I want a trashbag.

When I do use you, it's begrudgingly. If it weren't for your friend the microwave, I would never use you.

And why do you feel the need to stick to yourself after I tear off a piece? You're not making things any easier for either of us.

If it were my way, I wouldn't even have you in the same drawer with useful things like foil and tashbags. You'd be somewhere inaccessible so that I can forget I even own you.

You sicken me. Go to hell.

Sincerely,
Timmortal