Article: Christian Salt

Christian Salt (article 1) (article 2)

I was minding my own business in Google Reader, looking at headlines from The Onion when I saw "Christian Salt Introduced." I thought to myself, "how do those Onion writers do it? That's freakin' hilarious!!"

So, I clicked on the link... American Voices*? Oh, no! It's actual news!

*American Voices is a section where they take an actual news piece and ask what you think. The pictures of the 3 people never change, but their names, occupations, and quotes do.

What's the Deal with Christian Salt

So, some backwoods hick, who I'm sad to say is technically from Maryland, apparently sits on his fat ass all day (when he's not burning crosses I assume) watching the Food Network. He was fed up with TV chefs always telling you to use kosher salt! ...The only TV chef I can think of that demands kosher salt at all times is Alton Brown.

So, let me back up, he watches Good Eats all day, got fed up with Alton Brown kowtowing to the Jews, I guess, and said "I'm'un'a make me some JESUS salt!"

This new anti-Semetic salt will be blessed by an Episcopal priest (they're the cheapest, I bet). Wait, wait, wait. Things that are kosher aren't blessed by rabbis, as most people believe, but are prepared according to Jewish laws.

Each box of Nazi salt will be emblazoned with a red cross... you know, like the Knights Templar... who fought in the Crusades and killed Muslims, Jews, Slavs, Russian and Greek Orthodox Christians, Mongols, Cathars, Hussites, and more, just like Jesus wanted!

My biggest problem with this Christian Salt moron is that he obviously doesn't understand anything about kosher salt, much less about fostering religious tolerance.

A Brief History of Kosher Salt

All salt is kosher. Kosher (or Koshering) Salt is coarser than table salt. It is ideal for drawing blood out of meat in order to make the meat kosher. Since it's easier to pinch and portion, a lot of chefs prefer it. It's just a great, all-around salt (unless you're baking). Oh, yeah, and there are no additives.

The end.

Back to the Crazy Guy

No inventor of anti-Jew salt would be complete without a bunch of frightening, misinformed quotes:

"I said, 'What the heck's the matter with Christian salt?'"

Calm down there, Adolf. If you maybe tried actually cooking instead of just watching the shows, you'd know what's wrong with salt that isn't kosher salt. (Again, all salt is kosher.)

From the first article:
...A share of the proceeds will be donated to Christian charities, but neither [the manufacturer or the inventor] would specify a percentage.

1 is a percent! If you're calling it Christian Salt, shouldn't ALL the proceeds help the less forunate?

"This is about keeping Christianity in front of the public so that it doesn’t die. I want to keep Christianity on the table, in the household, however I can do it."

Right! Although I didn't know Christianity was dying. Yesterday I drove past 7 Christian churches and 1 mosque. No synagogues. Not bad for a dying religion I guess.

"There’s no antisemitism. I love Jesus Christ, and he was a Jew."

Um, wow. That's like saying you have a black friend. Yeah, that's pretty horrible.

The Worst Part About It All

No one, not the one-toothed anti-Semetic salt-inventing Grand Wizard, nor a single one of the journalists, went for the obvious "Does it come in pillars?" joke!