Columbine: You Mean Pop Culture Didn't Drive Them To Kill? I'm Shocked!

Source: USA Today; Wikipedia

Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, the two murderers who shot up their suburban high school classmates and teachers eleven years ago tomorrow were batshit insane. Yes, I know this may come as a shock to you. You thought they were just innocent, normal kids, driven to murder by their music and video games. That's what our wonderful 24-hour news networks have pounded into your head, and sadly the myth continues to this day.

So of course I will sell the record straight. In, appropriately enough, bullet form.

The Columbine murderers...

• were not in the "Trenchcoat Mafia."
• In fact, and this may also come as a shock, there is no Trenchcoat Mafia.
• didn't target jocks/Christians/blacks.
• weren't on antidepressants.
• failed at building their 100 bombs. (Maybe they should've paid more attention in Chemistry.)
• wanted to kill everyone, including friends.
• did more harassing than they received -- they were not bullied until they couldn't take it anymore.
• has serious psychological problems.
• wore t-shirts saying "Wrath" and "Natural Selection" the day of the murders.
• had been arrested in 1998 and were on probation for stealing electronics.
• were a clinical psychopath with an extreme need for control as well as a superiority complex (Harris) and a despressive (Klebold). (The original odd couple, only with sawed-off shotguns.)
• kept diaries, in which one drew swastikas, and the other drew hearts. (Can you guess which one did what?)
• illegally acquired their guns.

But none of that was reported. You were told...

• they were innocent kids bullied into retaliation.
• were driven to kill by Doom and Wolfenstein 3D, two of the best-selling first person shooters of the 1990s.
• were desensitized by their video games.
• were victims of being isolated by various cliques in high school.
• were goths.
• were driven to kill by bands like Metallica, Rammstein, Marilyn Manson, and KMFDM (all of whom have gold or platinum-selling albums).
• were just... like... your... kids!!!

And of course every school in the country enforced reactionary security rules to prevent their little snowflakes from getting slaughtered, to the extent of see-through backpacks (which of course will hide the guns students have on their person very well) and metal detectors. My high school forced everyone to wear ID cards, telling us it was for security. I asked a security guard, "How does this make us safer? Will stop a bullet?" (It won't.) No, it guarantees that the people who shoot you at your school will be students of that school, just like at Columbine. But of course ID cards and metal detectors don't stop crazy.

So now you know, the Columbine shooters were batshit insane and the media is too lazy and stupid to care about reporting actual facts. (And frankly if you didn't know that going in to this post, then we're all doomed.)